Friday, February 20, 2015

Grateful yet Pissed Off

I have alot to the thankful for, I know that, yet I've spent the past few weeks totally pissed off.

I spent the past 10 years keeping my blood sugar level under control.  It's an everyday struggle but workable. Now in my 55th year, that was no longer possible so I have been put on medication for Diabetes.  And I hate it. I feel like crap.  Nausea, sleepy, achy, headache.... they say it takes about a month for your body to acclamate to the medicine and I have already lowered my dosage (with the Dr's approval) but man, 55 is turning out to be harder than 50.

I do have a new job.  Great benefits and perks, good pay, challenging work and nice people.  That's a big positive.  But it's hard not to get overwhelmed with the struggles and not let them overtake the positive stuff.

We have been able to keep up with our travel/camping weekends goal of heading out once a month.   The cold doesn't bother us but now we have to pay attention to the wind and storms of spring.

Friends are all busy with their own lives and it's hard to pass along and vent my own struggles when everyone else has their own.  Friends move, have different lives, interests, other commitments.  It's hard to just sit and talk without someone having to rush off to work, shuttle kids/grandkids, etc...

Life blows in
The bones ache
The eyes dim
The patience thins

You miss those gone
and somehow
those that remain as well

You blink and that 3 year old
is now over thirty
With a life of their own
Proud and sad together

Sometimes alone yet not
with thoughts to speak
only to yourself.

In the mind
still 35

What happened

........ and I miss my wine.

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